September 21, 2012

hanya tulisan menjadi luahan rasa


Kebergantungan kepada manusia selaku mengecewakan. Itu yang pasti. 

walau apa yang berlaku,
kita masih akan selalu memandang langit dengan pandangan yang sama.
walau apa pun yang akan terjadi,
kita masih akan mendongak ke langit dengan rasa lapang didada.

bahawa walau sekuat mana kita diduga,
tak akan sekali-kali kita akan mendongak untuk bertanya- DIA “kenapa”..

walau hujan dan petir akan tetap membuat langit kelam,
kita masih juga akan tetap percaya,
bahawa mendung akan akhirnya pergi, dan langit akan kembali biru,
seperti suatu masa dahulu.

walau apa pun yang terjadi,
kita akan sentiasa optimis dan percaya,
bahawa semuanya akan akhirnya nanti baik-baik sahaja.

untuk tidak akan melihat langit dengan pandangan mata berkaca,
menpersoal takdir dan bertanya mengapa,
lantas berputus asa.

untuk tetap mendongak ke langit dengan harapan dan doa.
tersenyum, dan percaya bahawa DIA sangat tahu apa yang sedang dilakukan-NYA.”
- sebuah catatan menzahir rasa -

-semoga Allah melindungi aku dari rasa putus asa

(via tersenyum-melihat-langit)

September 19, 2012

komplikasi dalaman

“That was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours.”
“Firefly Lane” by Kristin Hannah

It's so hard to find someone who can accept you the way you are. But it doesn't mean you can't find at all. It takes time to get to know someone so well. You can't just be someone best friend. There this bond that connect you, even when you were apart.

Each level in my life, I found people who really can be my friends. The people who take me for who I am  even though sometimes I'm really annoying to be with. With my upside down feelings, I admit I'm not a good friend. But I can never be good until someone completed me to make me look good. This is hard you know.

That's why I like to be alone. It give me a lot of time to think about me. It's kinda creepy, but that is me. I do it frequently until it become my habit. I'll always reflect what do I do wrong in a relationship; with family, friends and people. However, my uncertainty always make me wants to be with people who love me. By that, it can make me feel like I am needed by them.

“I take much pleasure in being alone
but there is also a strange warm grace in not being alone.”
Charles Bukowski 

September 18, 2012

sadness and happiness is 2 different feelings


Awesome weekend! That's all I can say.

Meeting one of my bestie, the one who I think I went through a lot with. Fight, cry, laugh and all the memories we shared. It's all in the past, but teach me a lot of thing. The struggle and passion in study I shared with. Oh my, how I miss the old days.

Well it just a coincidence that she's on her off day. Most of the time just in the car cause we were lost the whole day.

Sometime I just think how do I get through the hardship before but never feels so down.

Yes, I am in a different level now. But I want that feelings back. The feeling of life; how I enjoy my life and do something that I like. Seems so easy, but how do I know the future to be like this. I'm not blaming my fate, just curious why and why?

I think this is about perception. I must give a good example for people to think that I am just like them. Intelligence is subjective. You can't never claim how good you are until you've done it. Positive thinking helps you to boost your confidence level.

I graduated my diploma with a lot of experiences, friends and fun. It was a very good feeling you know. I hope to be this way again, but more matured and can make a good decision than before. I admit that I was silly back then, didn't think too much, rushing and all the stuff teens always do. But it actually teach me things. You have to get through this to learn something, to gain something. (missing my neighbour, hahaha)

Dear whoever is reading this, I understand how rough things are right now.
I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer. I know you feel like nobody really cares. 
You’re wrong, stop denying it.
I care, otherwise I wouldn't be saying this. 
You’re not alone, we may be miles away but we’re all going through the same things.
Please keep holding on.

(via tersenyum-melihat-langit)


I hope to be happy just like the meaning of my name Aisyah. Maybe not today, but one day maybe. InsyaAllah, HE never fail to grant our wish. It just us human always fail to fulfill our duty to HIM. Subhanallah~

p/s; at least I am happy to have what I achieved now. Alhamdulillah

September 15, 2012

our little meeting



I just have plenty of it and we're closed. Maybe we didn't meet all the time. But they completed me all in different ways. Each of them.

From the outside maybe I'm quite cold looking urban lady (saje tambah urban, keh3) but I am very easygoing if you get to know me well. What can I say, people judge just from the outside. Never care to explore the story behind it. I can't blame them, we are like that. Including me.

We judge before we got to know the story behind it.

This year, I meet up with couple of my friends. Actually our house quite near to each other, but rarely met.

I planed to visit my teacher house this coming Raya Haji. It's been a long time, the one and only teacher who we can really enjoy becoming who we are around him. The one who send me back home when I've menstrual cramp at school (can believe this).

Umar is the one to introduced us to his rabbits. 3 cage and each has different characteristic, well that's what he told us. But I do like one, her name if not mistaken...arghh I can't remember. I do call her eyeliner, cause she got that thick black line around her eyes. So unique~

And thank god Umar didn't reject to speak with us as we were told by my friend that he kind a choosy one when comes to friend. Ayyoo~

 But I must say, Kari Itik mak Din seriously sedap. Just didn't have a chance nak tambah semestinya bukan malu.

September 13, 2012

my mind

Life isn't as simple as it seems. It become so hard when your surrounding is not like how you wish it is. You getting hurt because of your expectation; not with life, but with people in your life.

I guess running is not a good escape. Well maybe for once, it helps you too. But you can't forever getting away from your problem. Although you keep thinking how should you run or find a way to keep avoiding it, eventually it will always haunt you back. As time passes, you'll get tired of it.

I've never been so helpless just like how I am now.

Experienced makes  you grow; grow to be a better person, as well as a lesson for you not to be that way again. But I don't realize that I keep repeating my fault. I got to admit, I have a flaw. Plenty of it.

To be a perfect person, I can never make it.

But I hate this society. Even though I'm part of it too.

Yes, I'm not happy!